What should I do in this relationship situation?
Question by ylimE0100: What should I do in this relationship situation?
Okay, I need an unbiased outside opinion on this, people. Please only serious answers that are actually trying to help. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months and to make a long story shorter, I don’t know if I should stay with him or not. I know I should really talk to him about this, or at least a close friend or sister. But I don’t really want them to see this side of the relationship in case they read too much into it. That’s why I’m asking complete strangers.
I’m 19 and he’s my first boyfriend/romantic interest. He’s had girlfriends since he was in the seventh grade. He assures me that he hasn’t felt this way with anyone else before and that I am the one that he’s meant to be with for the rest of his life. He’s been telling me that “he loves me” since about a day after we made it “official”. And then I started soon after that since it felt weird to keep hearing it without response. To show the seriousness of it, he has asked how long is appropriate before we get engaged. (He said about 3 months. I had no answer for him because I hadn’t thought about it.) But I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is actually love or if it’s just the giddiness that comes with having a boyfriend. (And I know alot of you will say “just dump him and find someone else”, but like I said before, I’m 19 and and this is my first boyfriend. The boys aren’t just jumping at the chance to date me.)
Another issue that I have with this situation is that he talks about his past girlfriends often. Like really often. Most of the time it’s about how crazy (bad) they were, but still, I’d rather not hear their names because then it feels like he’s comparing me to them. But this isn’t that big of a deal.
Another thing, we’ve been physically intimate but have never gone all of the way. He has with other girls, so I assume that it’s not as big of a deal for him so he’s just waiting for the night I say “yes’. For me on the other hand, I’m still a virgin. And I am a devout Christian with strong Christian and God-like morals, so I did have it in my mind that I would wait until marriage. But I don’t want to come across as a prude. And make it seem that I don’t want to do it because I don’t like him. I also have no desire to break my morals and beliefs.
Another issue, he’s not into religion. And like I said before, I am. I’m trying to get him to see “the Light”, literally, but he made a comment the other day that rubbed me the wrong way about all “those religious people getting on his nerves.”
My last problem- we are from different social-economic backgrounds. I’ll say my family is firmly middle class, and his is lower to upper-lower class. So he’s never had alot of money. So I end up paying for everything when we’re together. Which I know isn’t a major problem and I’m happy to pay for stuff. But I am a very self-sufficient girl who works for the money that I have. I have about $ 12,000 in savings right now that I’ve saved up since I was about 5. I know it’s quite a bit, but I’m not going to blow through it. I am going through college right now. My pet peeve with this is that I always end up driving to where he is which is right now 3 hours away one way. And then I pay for gas, food, entertainment, and hotel rooms. It’s not unheard of to go through $ 400 for one weekend. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I’m serious. He eats quite a bit. And that’s about a 2 week paycheck. So it kind of hurts me a little bit to visit him all that often.
We have talked about this issue and he feels really bad about it. But he literally has about $ 10 to his name right now. He’s going through a job training program so he has no job or income. And he has about $ 5 in his saving account. A comment that he made was something about “But when we move in together, we’ll just combine our accounts, right?” The scared me a teeny bit because I don’t plan on combining accounts with anyone until at least marriage. It’s just the logical person inside of me, I guess.
After re-reading this, it sounds like he’s a horrible person (or I am), but I really do like him alot.
And we make each other really happy. I just need some opinions about whether I should look past those things or if it’s too much to look past. Usually I’m good at helping other people out with these problems, but when it’s my own problem, it’s a little harder to sort through.
If you’re still reading this, THANK YOU so much!!! I know it was a ton of information about a person you don’t know or really care about. But if you are still reading, could you spare an extra minute to comment on what your thoughts are? Any little thing helps. Really.
Again, thank you! And God Bless!
Answer by Ben Aich
it sounds like you already know the answer you are just waiting to hear it from other people. there is no reason to jump into this relationship with both feet and pull far more than your fair share of the weight when little is given in return. its great that you feel good around a person and they can cheer you up but thats the basis for a good friendship, not a romantic relationship. fron the sond of it you are a total type A personalty and he is type B. things are not going to change very much and you need to decide if the man (or boy) he is today is the person you would like to spend the rest of your life with, or at least someone like this. get involved with a church in your college town, or an on campus christian group. it sounds like he has some more growing up to do and you are in a different place in life. long distance relationships are hard to begin with and you two are not equally yoked. let him go and move on with your life. find someone with the same beliefs as you, it will make a better foundation for your relationship and will leave less room for doubt. a cord of three strands is not easily broken. God Bless
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